I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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