So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
