I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize