we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
