By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
