Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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