can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
