You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I want a musical about memes.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
