I wish I could teleport
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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