you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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