You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
