Can Purell be used as lube?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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