i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
