The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
