drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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