Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
