he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
