I faked an abortion last night.
it's like iHOP with fire
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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