Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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