The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm jealous of your bromance
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
