fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
