Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
