All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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