dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize