you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
