your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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