Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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