matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
