You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
