Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize