Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
