I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
