I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
