What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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