so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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