So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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