He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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