woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
