I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
