he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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