walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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