I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
