Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
i out mim tonsoeep
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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