I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
