He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
