going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize