Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize