I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
