My hair reeks of homosexuality.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize