omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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