You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Randomize
