dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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