If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
not ubering you a puppy
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
