Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
