I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm gonna fight the coyote
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
