We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
