need another drink. this is the easiest way
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize