The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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