Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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