ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
