Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize