My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
