a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
