ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
did i just pee glitter
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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