we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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