Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I think your dad took our porno
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
