We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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