If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
