I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
