I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
