I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize