Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
