So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
