is your mom at the bar?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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