She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
