my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
