well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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