people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
